Our Predicament
Death is a stubborn elephant in the Living room. Merely nodding its presence evokes visceral reactions in otherwise healthy individuals. At one extreme lies its morbid obsession, which is hardly the norm. Tacit or vehement denial comes closer to it. This asymmetry creates awkward social situations and hypersensitivity to its broaching, even in passing. The reaction ranges from unsettling to downright traumatizing or the ostrich effect. How dare an interlocutor foist all this death-talk? Is there any safe space left?
Is there ever a right time or a safe place to bring up death?
Let’s unpack this irrationality. Albert Camus was onto something big in stating the only serious philosophical problem is one of Suicide. There’s a great deal left unsaid in that fundamental proposition. A resounding no implies we are unwitting subscribers to the ride of life with all its joys, vicissitudes, and tedium. But it has a distinct end-point whether we like it or not!
Yin & Yang
Death is the yin to life’s yang. It’s non-discriminatory, comes unannounced, and spares none. Our vocabulary would be devoid of distinctions of Death and Life were they indistinguishable. That situation would be synonymous with immortality or non-existence. But the stark truth to life is that death is a terminus for all entities, living and non-living. A rotting carcass is an invitation to scavengers for feeding frenzy. Life sprouts out of death and decay. Most species that our so-called hospitable planet created were wiped out entirely. When in doubt, ask dinosaurs. Mortality is nature’s mechanism of recycling its resources. Rusting iron is indicative of an eventual heat death that awaits all of the cosmos. Every molecule in one’s fiber is a consequence of the spectacular expulsion of dying stars. Before apprehending the proper attitude towards death, we must address beliefs.
Beliefs
Beliefs are a set of memes. They get lodged and passed down untold generations as culture evolves. Today we have stealthier mechanisms to transmit old and new memes. Social Media is a catalyst and an accelerant to meme curation and transmission. There is no denying the inevitable we must all confront. That has been a predicament for all living beings forever. Its denial is a form of anti-rational meme, ancient in origin. It’s only natural that most of us should find death decidedly unsettling or distressing. Some cultures have evolved coping mechanisms where death is a cause for celebration — a send-off. But the most common meme in many cultures is that death is a stumbling block en route to a purported beyond . Such elaborate send-off rituals are merely their confection. Where does an extinguished flame go?
Meme Power
There is no whitewashing raw emotion, however considerate or tactful the act may be. A consolation doled out to one’s soul being in a better place entirely misses the intended mark. Grieving individuals are arguably at their most vulnerable. The last thing a bereft widow(er) might want to hear is that their partner is now in a better place. And they are destined to get reunited sooner or later. Such condolences originate from such anti-rational memes. Though well-intentioned, well-meaning, and impeccably timed, they do disservice to address the elephant. Besides paying lip service to the gravity of one’s loss, they have the added perverse effect of tainting the grieving process. Why should there be an elaborate ruse of denial stemming from them? Because they got established in the first place in society long ago. They still get suitably fashioned and passed down. In the absence of rational knowledge, such anti-rational memes tend to have humanity in their stranglehold.
Taboo
Death becomes untouchable when relegated to taboo status. Mortality will remain a mainstay until it gets conquered by science. Conquest may be impossible, but science alone stands a chance of shedding light. Or sweeping away the horizon of aging and death, and with proper knowledge. It’s our sheer ignorance that makes death a problem. And we cannot begin to address it until we acknowledge it is a problem. The vacuum gets filled by an edifice of anti-rational memes — the memeplex. This memeplex has the undesirable effect of deluding minds. Left unaddressed, it festers, gnawing away at society while faithfully getting replicated, getting passed down through generations of humanity. It threatens to stymie or derail honest dialogue about our collective predicament. Honest Dialogue is our only tool to fight this memeplex. Stifling it comes at a heavy price. The alternative is an unthinkable recourse to violence, which society shouldn’t want — for the sake of progress and self preservation.
Attitude
What is the right attitude towards death?
The stoics had a practical solution. Practice friendship with it. Not by resorting to any misguided notions of friendship — but a regular, healthy dose of apprehending the reality of death. It enriches life. A nod to death’s sudden and all-powerful hand, contrary to conventional wisdom, is therapeutic. Current events or a disrupting incident in one’s life tends to burst that bubble of delusion — rudely awakening us to the reality of mortality. Nothing prepares one to face their final moment but the moment itself. But a jarring impact can get too overwhelming if we aren’t used to being in the know or have a feel for it. Terminal diagnosis, losing a loved one, a looming natural disaster, or war have a profound impact. Nothing diminishes their gravity, but preparedness for a life-altering contingency cannot hurt and takes practice, not unlike any other skill.
Sunny Side
But isn’t fabricating a dose of death to self administer itself a form of self-delusion?
Yes, but a useful one. At an intellectual level, it should make sense that without a terminus, life is blase. Without exhaling, there is no room for inhaling fresh breath of air. Until our last breath, we renew death with life with every breath we draw. Deeper down, at an emotional level, it has a profound impact. If today were my last day, how would my outlook on life differ? It could alter dramatically one could suppose. It would put things cared for or not cared for into stark perspective. It would prioritize what matters most in a limited duration. It would offer us a fighting chance of letting go of our emotional baggage. Knowing we all share this circumstance should blossom compassion and forgiveness of ourselves and others. We wouldn’t, and frankly, couldn’t hang on to our cherished possessions with a vice-like grip as we would otherwise do. Becoming less selfish gets easier in light of death — when we realize literally everything that life has to offer is loaned to us and shall be reclaimed by death.
Aren’t those desired outcomes faith in the supernatural produce in its ardent flock? Maybe, but it comes with a baggage — that of the anti-rational memeplex. We are better off dispensing with that baggage altogether. Humanity gets a head start in conquering its irrational fear of death, not by filling the vacuum of ignorance with bad memes. But with the acceptance of the lack of knowledge and seeking out better explanations for longevity, aging, and death. A life well-lived is fuller, richer, and filled with more gratitude, all ingredients for a better society. There is no better privilege worth the fuss than being alive and experiencing all it has to offer. Death is then an exclamation point, an interlude, or lights out, whatever one chooses. Everything illuminated by death comes alive!
Summary
- No household is untainted with death.
- Death defies all notions of when, where or how — there’s no right time, or place, or method of dying, or right chronological ordering by age.
- Proper knowledge of Death and Aging is best addressed by Science.
- Acknowledging Death should not become a taboo in society.
- Irrational memes filling the vacuum of ignorance is harmful for society.
Thanks for reading and your support. This post was inspired by many hours of listening, reading and practicing. I remain forever grateful and indebted to my parents who brought me into this world. It could have been otherwise. There is no “me” without them.
© Dr. VK. All rights reserved, 2022
